I don't know what to do right now. I feel like I've just been hit by a train, but I'm at work so I have to keep it together. I have a strict privacy policy when it comes to the group in my real life, but I let my guard down, just this one time. I told a girl who was my best friends friend the truth about me. I even took her to church with me one Sunday. A week later, she told my good friend, who works with me and therefore doesn't know about my involvement in the work, all about me. And now, I have a bunch of problems. My friend is irreconcileably angry with me, and he has told me he's not sure whether or not to tell the people I work with about me. For those of you who don't know what life is like in a group like this, the fear of exposure is huge. Many people have been evicted, fired, and shunned from their community when people find out about them.
And yet, Paul had something intersting to say:
"I know whom I have believed, and I'm pursuaded that He is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day."
and
"For we know that all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord, who are called according to His purpose."
The fear comes from the unknown. In our finite minds, we cannot see how this will ever work out. In God's mind, it already has a perfect ending.
When lost in the terror of tempestuous seas
Unkown waves before you blow
At the end of the darkness is eternity
Though fear and conflict grip your soul
But just think of stepping on shore
And finding it Heaven
Of taking a hand
And finding it God's
Of breathing new air
And finding it cellestial
Of waking up in Glory
And finding it home
posted by JLL at 9:26 AM
4 Comments:
Hey, does anybody read your blog? How do you tell?
An FLDS fan
They do. I have a hit counter, it's just invisible.
I read. I can relate. I am 42, single, a woman, raised LDS...and not sure where this path is leading me. But i know there is more...i know i am finding my way towards something. Thanks Jll for your courage, and your openess.
Pet
I understand that my lifestyle is unacceptable by most in your culture, however as a homosexual male I do understand the meaning of exposure. I am from Philadelphia, a prominently middle-class Italian and Irish neighborhood, where being like me is a no-no. Nevertheless someone told my secret and I've actually had to move to a different part of the city. I am extremely fascinated in your story.
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